Signs Of Wounded Masculine Energy: Fragments of A Broken Mirror
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The city streets bustled with the usual commotion, blending into a symphony of hurried footsteps and car horns. Amidst the chaos, Jacques emerged, his 5 foot 9 inch figure seemingly poised and confident. Dressed in a tailored suit, his appearance exuded the epitome of success.
He had been awake since 4.30 am this morning, having done his kettlebell swings and early morning run, following the rigid outline of the renowned Mocko Billiams, designed for peak high performance.
Trying to ignore the hunger, he took determined strides towards his bank. It was still many hours before he had “earned” his right to eat. It was part of the 9 ancestral tenets to which he vehemently subscribed to since the beginning of the year.
Since discovering Silver Bling, the founder of this sacred regimen on Youtube, Jacques had made sure not to miss a single day practicing the ancestral tenets. He made sure to download an app to track his regimen and its progress by the hour. Remarkably, the app was able to sync all the progress data from various regimens Jacques followed, Mocko Billiam’s high performance, Pandrew Buberman’s blinking for success and Silver Bling’s 9 ancestral tenets.
1. Signs of wounded masculine energy
As Jacques navigated the polished corridors of the bank, he couldn’t help for an instance feel a surge of exhaustion. He couldn’t understand it though, because it used to happen more often than not. He should be feeling at the top and full of masculine energy, in fact, the divine form of masculine energy. His carnivore diet, combined with the synchronized pursuit of the various regimens should ensure exactly the opposite of fatigue.
In his office, Jacques reclined in a plush leather chair. He had closed his door, and turned off the blinds. It wasn’t even 8.30 am in the morning and it already felt as if it was 8.30 pm in the evening. He had a meeting with Jean Pascal soon, and it was weighing heavily on him. Jean Pascal was an abrasive individual and every discussion was tough.
Jacques had been trying to apply lessons from the renowned self help author, Morbid Peeperson’s best selling self help book “126 Blues Of Life '' on this aspect of his life. Trying to prop up straight and with self-confidence was awfully difficult in the face of Jean Pascal.
As successful Jacques had been with his career, Jean Pascal continued to bulldoze through all projects, assuming their ownership since the minute they had been paired together in one team.
Out of nowhere his thoughts then wandered to moments from his childhood, reminded of this boy Nico from the football team, who was not a bully, but always had a way to patronize Jacques in front of the team.
He never knew how to react until much later in life, when he had started following Bavid Ploggins, another self help warrior, whose own inspiring story of a dedicated life of hard work had given him the key to respond to all the characters like Jean Pascal or Nico.
But despite all this wisdom and self-help, why wasn’t he able to deal with Jean Pascal and why did he just feel like going home to his bed, and immersing himself into a deep sleep?
2. The lethargy
He stood up, trying to wake himself up from this lethargy, walking across his office, and stretching at the same time. He stopped at the mirror that adorned one wall of his office, an innocent fixture, gazing at his own reflection. The man staring back at him seemed familiar yet distant, like a fragmented reflection of his true self.
"Why do I feel so exhausted?" Jacques whispered, his voice laced with desperation. His fingertips brushed the cool surface of the mirror, as if seeking answers from the depths beyond. But the mirror remained silent, refusing to reveal the truth he so desperately sought.
That was one day, and then that day turned into more days, until the days turned into weeks, and Jacques's exhaustion only grew. His once-confident demeanor crumbled, replaced by a brooding intensity.
Colleagues noticed the change, whispering among themselves, unaware of the chronic and mental sludge that he was suffocating under. Jacques remained a hostage to the weariness, clueless on how to unearth the fragments of his shattered identity.
Meanwhile, this 24 year old ungrateful brat called Joel had been chasing him for his “mentorship”. Jacques had tried guiding him, but he was so toxic, so ungrateful and shamelessly entitled. Joel thought that he was entitled to Jacques aid, just because Jacques had been so kind to him. Jacques had clearly told him off and shut him out of his life.
He didn’t have time for such thankless brats like Joel seeking free help and then feeling entitled on top of it. Bryan Lolliday, an iconic expert on stoicism had repeatedly advised against having any sort of toxic presence around oneself. It was further reinforced by other well known advice to keep such free riders away in order to maintain a tunnel vision to success.
3. The Web Of Matrices
Jacques found himself perpetually trapped in a suffocating web of matrices, the invisible threads of roles and ideals tightly wound around his very being. Each day brought a new struggle as he grappled with the oppressive constructs that confined him, intensifying his internal conflict and unraveling the fragile fabric of his sanity.
In the pristine halls of his workplace, Jacques observed the subtle nuances that defined the dynamics. There were men exuding confidence, assertiveness, and unwavering strength. They were the epitome of success, the real high value men. He witnessed from his colleagues—tales of conquest, displays of dominance, and the relentless pursuit of power.
On the other hand HR was planning the “Annual Vulnerability” day in which every employee was going to be assigned a vulnerability buddy. Vulnerability buddies would be encouraged to meet for a monthly lunch to share vulnerabilities and the bank was going to pay for it. Latest research was that sharing vulnerabilities was good, but digging them out and announcing them in a communal festival would extend life by 22%.
He was getting more and more tired each day. He hadn’t posted on Instagram for a while now, and the reminder messages were piercing him like sharp insects. He had paid a fortune to Michard Blooper, a leading coach on masculinity who had advised him in one of the private coaching sessions to post regularly on Instagram to ensure that he was able to attract the right attention from people who would then crave to become part of his life.
In fact it was the same message he had picked up from Bambrew Bait, the most masculine personality of 2022, that “if you ain’t on insta, you clearly haven’t succeeded in life”.
The despair within him grew, like a suffocating fog that clouded his thoughts and muddled his sense of self. He yearned for answers, for a glimmer of truth amidst the chaos.
4. The Descent
His weariness became more and more chronic, yet sleep became elusive, and when slumber finally claimed him, it was as if he hadn’t slept. Visions of distorted figures and shifting shadows haunted his every waking moment, leaving him on the precipice of a spiraling descent into madness.
Ashley, his colleague at the bank, began to seem like a –itch, since she was forever a single alpha woman, and what did it matter that she had helped him so many times on projects. She probably had an ulterior motif.
He also began to consider going on the Sacred Bubbles Retreat for men. They had promised a manly bonding over 3 days outdoors, and guaranteed rejuvenation of the masculine soul. It would also have one on one therapy sessions for the high value men seeking clarity in life.
Day by day, with all these extremities taking their toll, the line between truth and illusion blurred further. Ordinary objects took on new meanings, their significance becoming enigmatic puzzles for Jacques to decipher. He saw symbols and signs in every fleeting glance, searching for connections that would lead him to the cure he sought.
The world around him morphed into a twisted landscape, a distorted reflection of his fractured psyche. Faces of familiar strangers bore expressions of malice or mocking, their words echoing with cryptic meanings that eluded his grasp. Time itself seemed to warp, stretching and contracting in erratic rhythms that left Jacques disoriented and unmoored.
5. A Paralyzed Mind
The world around Jacques seemed to lose its sharp edges, becoming a hazy tableau of half-formed shapes and distorted perspectives. His mind, once a bastion of clarity, now resembled a malfunctioned software, caught in an endless loop of conflicting thoughts and beliefs.
Conflicting notions of what it meant to be masculine gnawed at his every thought. Society's expectations bore down upon him, a crushing weight that threatened to extinguish the fire within his soul. Each passing day brought a new conundrum, a new set of rigid rules and definitions that fatigued Jacques.
As Jacques traversed the labyrinth of his own mind, the disarray within mirrored the chaotic world he inhabited. The fragments of his thoughts collided, creating a maelstrom of confusion that paralyzed his every decision.
The dichotomy between vulnerability and strength, tenderness and aggression, left him in a state of perpetual indecision.
6. Haunted by Shadows
Within the depths of Jacques's fractured psyche, the echoes of his past reverberate with chilling intensity. Memories, once buried deep within the recesses of his mind, claw their way to the surface, clawing at his sanity.
He recalled the time when he had pursued Sylvia like a lovestruck pup. Damn, he was such a simp and she was such a –ore!
And then that moment when he had cheated on his partner with Celine. He began to feel awful. He was such a thoughtless philanderer.
The ghostly presence of these bipolar memories manifested as vivid hallucinations that taunted him, blurring the line between what is real and imagined.
As Jacques went about his daily life, shadows dance at the corners of his vision, their elusive forms playing tricks on his vulnerable mind. More faces from his past emerge from the depths of his subconscious, their gazes piercing and accusatory.
Instances when he was such a -ussy and others when he was such a bully, all came upon him, as the weight of how he should have behaved pressed upon him, while whispers of judgment from Morbid Peeperson echoed in his ears.
Dark secrets, long buried, resurface with a vengeance, as if demanding acknowledgement and retribution. They casted a pall over Jacques's existence, their tendrils ensnaring his thoughts and emotions. The trauma he had once locked away begins to seep into his present reality, staining every interaction with a haunting unease.
He began to argue with those he hurt, or those who hurt him. He spoke up to Jean Pascal and told him to shut the –ck up and sit down. He tackled Nico viciously during a practice session. All of this happening within the confines of his brain.
7. The Labyrinth of Obsession
As Jacques navigates the labyrinth of his obsession with masculinity, he is drowning in a deafening shouting match happening between militant masculine and the militant feminine. No longer able to discern between what is real and imagined, Jacques is at the mercy of his fractured mind.
The echoes of his relentless self-doubt reverberate within, distorting his perception of the world around him. Like a marionette, he is manipulated by the unseen strings of his fragmented psyche, his actions mere reflections of his inner chaos.
And this is what wounded masculine energy exactly is, paralyzed, inert, lifeless and pathetic.
